SORROW
Today we buried my great uncle. It was a difficult day for many reasons. My own grief aside, it was not the most difficult part of this day. My father's grief, while extremely difficult to watch him brought to tears was still not the most difficult part of the day.
What tooke me and squeezed every last tear out of me was watching my grandmother's sorrow. This was her last sibling, and while she was very close to all of her brothers and sisters, knowing that this was her last connection to her family, was devastating to her.
My grandmother is the strength of the family, all 4ft 11 inches of her. Somehow she always seemed to be so large, a pillar of strength. Today she looked so small, so fragile, so lost and her face showed such pain.
I stood in the church and watched as my dad and his brothers walked the casket in. I felt the tears slip easily down my face. Then i saw her, my grandfather on one side, an uncle on the other side of her, holding her up as she sobbed her way through to the front, like she would collapse if they let go.
It was a beautiful service and my cousin gave a beautiful eulogy for his dad. Briefly making us laugh through some of the memories he shared. I saw my grandmother smile, it wasn't a full smile, but a shadow of one. Before i knew it the service was over and there she was walking out, being held up, held together, by my grandfather and my uncle. The hardest part was to come......the burial.
Standing around with an incredible amount of family (we are Italian), i waited feeling the tears well up, as i thought of my own memories of this man, of how hard it would be to watch my grandmother grieve, because i knew it was coming. They brought the casket in, and i could hear her, as My great uncle was slid into his final resting place. It started out as a cry, and grew louder, it became a wail, an aguished cry that came from the soul. For those who were there and only spoke English, they couldn't understand what she wailed, but the sorrow was obvious. I however, did understand. She wailed about how they came to Canada from Italy, she wailed because she loved him so, she wailed because he had left her all alone, she wailed because she didn't want to let him go, she wailed because she has lost everyone. Hearing it in her, i couldn't stop the tears, and as i heard her pain, i sobbed, fighting to hold it back. Watching my grandmother the pillar of strength so defeated, so full of sorrow hurt my heart more than i thought it would. A woman standing beside me, that I'd known since i was a baby, put her arms around me and held me while i sobbed. I apologized for losing my composure and as they walked my grandmother away from the casket to go home, she stopped and i held her and we cried. She said ( in Italian ) " you were the first (grandchild), you know....you know... you remember them all. Don't forget them.
Nonna i love you, Zio i will miss you.
